ARG Round-Up: Guysguise Writer Escapes Certain Death, NRU Still In Hot Water

MANITOBA -- Guysguise.com's staff ferret came within inches of his death this past week when a car sped towards him down a dark alley in the area of Winnipeg known affectionately as the 'Dark Alley District'. While the car and driver have not been found, sources are implicating involvement by the Russian Mafia, upset over the recent decision to release Anatoli Jamesinokov's "The Where.gifs In Your Mind".

"It's a proven fact that Semion Mogilevich (apparent head of Russian Mafiya) has always been extremely jealous of Jamesinokov's singing talents," states an inside informant. "When the Jamesinokov recording of Three Dog Night's One was used in relation to the Lockjaw ARG, Mogilevich had the whole game taken off the Internet. He would have no qualms about killing a rodent to make sure this newest tape doesn't surface." Guysguise.com is not commenting on the situation.

ARIZONA -- New facts have come to surface about the sex scandal that is making waves at New River University, as one of the seventeen complainants has granted an interview to ABC TV's news magazine 20/20. Guysguise.com has obtained a pre-release transcript of the interview, to be shown in an episode later in the year. According to the unnamed victim, the lack of privacy at NRU extends far past surveillance. "When you apply to NRU, they make you fill out this crazy form. I mean, who the hell are Landau, Luckman and Lake anyway? All I want is my computer engineering degree!" states the 19 year old student.

At press time, New River University has still declined to comment. Despite numerous attempts to contact the Board of Regents, there has still been no response.

compiled by Waldo Emerson Cook

Chasing The Wish Puppetmasters Check Into Klepsydra Treatment Center

NEW JERSEY -- Finding out firsthand how difficult and emotionally cruel being a Puppetmaster really is, several PMs involved in the Chasing The Wish game have checked themselves into Klepsydra in-patient treatment facilities across the globe. This stunning development comes less than a month after the game has been actively running, leaving many ARG critics to wonder if the insanity-en-masse will hamper the development of the game.

The game has been very popular since going live on February 27, 2003, as players are constantly checking websites and interacting with in-game characters. However, this is leaving some Puppetmasters exhausted and strung-out. While some have taken the positive step of getting professional help, many others have turned to the addiction of pixie sticks and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Head Puppetmaster Dave Szulborski could not be reached for comment, undoubtedly swamped with tasks pertaining to the game.

When asked about the difficulties in being a Puppetmaster, Lockjaw PM Brooke Thompson said that "it's a thrill that is as real as a roller coaster ride, a high as great as most drugs, a trip greater than you can imagine." Kevin Clarke at JMX has stated in the past that maintaining an Alternate Reality Game is "kind of like shooting yourself in the mouth with candy flavoured bullets. It's painful at times, but oh so sweet." And when asked about commandeering a game, The PuppetMackerels at Chasing The Fish simply stated, "Stock up on beer and nuts, it's going to be a bumpy ride. GLUB!"

by Nancy Maclean

Top Ten Reasons Why This Site Is In-Game

10. We're not saying whether or not it's in-game.
9. Recurring characters that are both interactive and larger-than-life.
8. Links to other in-game sites, like Unfiction. Unfiction is definitely in-game.
7. Puzzles in the source code.
6. Lack of auto responding emails -- the personal touch!
5. Unusual references to Ong's Hat, Edward James Olmos, and a bird that no one particularly cares too much about.
4. Fxlltzxl xgvhwxw bg KHM yhkftm.
3. Mysterious phone calls at night from Ingrahausen (and not just the heavy breathing kind... he's way past that now!)
2. Tons of flash incorporated in the site. Could there be a puzzle in the Gerbil Shooting game?
1. There's a curtain in the Guysguise.com office... look out! There's someone behind it!

by James Corgan