Guysguise.com Proclaims Itself ONLY Source For Humour In World

WEETHING-KYUSS, UK -- As GuysGuise.com continues to be an online zine dedicated to providing humor and insight to Alternate Reality Gaming, Alternate Reality Gamers who actively seek new editions of the online zine often lament reading the entire new edition only Three hours after publication. The editors had planned for the edition to entertain the audience for the entire month. However, once an edition is detected, visitors rapidly devour the articles, much to the editors' joy.

Guysguise.com editor-in-chief Candice Joplin remarked, "This a great demonstration of how voracious our readers are. Clearly we are the Only source for humor in the world." Despite claims to contrary, there is hard evidence that this is the case. As Ms. Joplin explains, "the amount of propaganda supporting the claim cannot dispute the facts."

The statements made by Ms. Joplin have elicited some fairly biased criticisms from members of other humour sites. In several instances, a spamming shill from Tomb Ridge, Tennessee was seen on several sites dispensing knock-knock jokes and potty humor, while claiming that he was not working for any specific site. "We don't care about all the quibbling going
around, we are still the Only humour site on the internet," declares Ms. Joplin.

And it doesn't matter how many people out there point out that Guysguise.com is wrong in making this statement. Joplin had this to say about the situation: "In our hearts, we know we are right. We will crush the competition. We will continue to send out our information packages. And, if need be, we will continue to segregate ourselves from the larger community and make false accusations against people until we get our way. Because, as far as humour is concerned, it's our way or no way at all."

While Ms. Joplin continues to make her controversial statements, the Board of Directors stand by their decision to hire Ms. Joplin and have issued the following statement: "Candice Joplin's editorial strengths are far superior to any other we have found. She has a backbone that is stronger than any that we've seen before her and because of that she can get the work done. While her methods are questionable and her ethics weak, the job gets done no matter the cost."

by Nancy Maclean and R. Ivereto

Chasing The Fish Gains Ground, Despite Criticisms

CYBERSPACE -- Whatever genius lies beneath the surface of Chasing the Fish should come up for air and collect their dues -- fans of the upcoming Chasing the Wish ARG are flocking to the site to bear witness to the often hilarious tidbits of video and text. Despite the site's off-handed humor, some nefarious nogoodniks are badmouthing CTF, calling it a "slap in the face to trout everywhere."

While the origins of the site are not immediately known, Guysguise.com is claiming credit for planting the seed ot thought into the head of the very opportunistic 'fishmasters' of the site. In a feature story the Only humour site on the internet ran in Issue 16 (January 26), the then-false domain name chasingthefish.com appeared. Shortly thereafter, the domain went live with a curious frontpage with a montage of fish and fisherpeople -- including a very nice picture of a trout.

Community members are divided on what to think about the site. While many feel that it is a suitable homage to what could be the ARG of the year, others have made clear that this sort of parody has no place in modern day society. "Parody went out with Weird Al Yankovic," claims an unnamed source. "There's just no room for this kind of crap in our community. We're supposed to be serious about playing games. Games are serious now. Serious."

by Waldo Emerson Cook

Top Ten Reasons To Use (or Abuse) a LiveJournal

Top Ten Reasons To Use (or Abuse) a LiveJournal

10. Creating a rating system for German 'poop films' to share with your ScheisseRing.
9. Sounding off about the need for less clothing on Buffy.
8. Telling the geeks that visit your site how wonderful your boyfriend is, then linking to his equally pathetic blog.
7. Spreading rumors about J. Lo. She hates that!
6. Making notes about moving objects in the sky, as if you are trying to save the world from alien invasions. At the same time, write secret messages to your alien buddies to suggest possible landing sites for the invasion.
5. Tell people who to watch for in the Ontario Hockey League midget draft. Then, explain that midget hockey players are actually just young, not 'vertically challenged'.
4. Announce daily changes in your Last Will and Testament. Keep those greedy bastard relatives on their toes!
3. Write songs that are never meant to be heard. Use phrases like "Suck my garage newsletter" and "For you I write this snowmobile headcheese" to further separate yourself from the sane world.
2. Each day, say something nice about Yanni. For example: "I would really like to buy a Yanni-thong." Or, "Yanni is the reason my teacher became a crack whore in New Hampshire."
1. Rant about people and things you can't stand. Be sure to use very personal details about each and every person you rant about. It's your weblog, so go ahead! Hurt their feelings good!

by A Ferret on Amitriptyline