From: Gus Garrison <gusgarrison@hooligans.ca>
To: postmaster@guysguise.com
Re: Pie picture
Dear GuysGuise,
Just looking at the picture for your "Pie" section... want you to know
that there is something wrong with the picture. I think that you put
on an animated gif instead of that pretty lady's real picture. It
flashes away and becomes a picture of the pi symbol, and then a piece of
pie! Maybe you should check your website and make sure you guys didn't
get hacked.
Gus
Dear Gus: We know all about the picture in question. We
implanted the images in an attempt to take control of your mind. Not
anyone else's mind, just yours. We'll test the results in two weeks
from a remote tropical location. Bye for now! Muahahahahaha!
From: Ozy <address withheld>
To: postmaster@guysguise.com
Re: Thanks for the puzzle.
Hey GuysGuise!
I'm an 18 year old virgin, and I was very happy to have something to do
with my boring, platonic, pathetic life. I forwarded the puzzle to my
boyfriend, er, male companion, and he really enjoyed it as well. We
spent many hours in my bedroom, next to the computer screen, trying to solve
that damn puzzle. We nearly fell out of the bed when we saw the final
solution! We were so happy, we shared our first kiss! Now, I am
actually excited to "out" myself to my parents next week. From one guy
to a bunch of others, thanks very very much.
Ozy
Dear Ozy: The reason we held back your email address was so you
wouldn't get mailbombed by respectable guys around the planet.
As much as we find nothing wrong with being homosexual, we do find senseless
blathering about any couple's first kiss horrifyingly sickening. Our
only motivation for printing this letter? To dissuade others from
sending in more of the same.
From: S. Wright <address withheld>
To: postmaster@guysguise.com
Re: First timer
Dear GuysGuise,
Hey, it's my first time writing here, which makes sense since you've only
been around a few weeks. Anyways, I need some lady advice. I'm 26 years old
and still a virgin. However there is a girl at the office and she is trying
to encourage me to have sex with her. She weighs 309 pounds and has a fairly
thick mustache. I am quite repulsed by her, to be honest with you,
but I am sick of the taunting by my friends. What should I do?
Simon
Dear Simon: Run like hell, little buddy. Once Jabba the
Hut gets her teeth into you, there will be no escape. Then, go home,
jerk off, put on some nice clothes, and go out for a night on the town.
You'll be surprised what you can actually do when you LEAVE YOUR HOUSE for
more than a jug of milk or a pack of smokes. We have faith that you
will overcome your fears of the female creature and get laid... eventually.
But to sink to that kind of low? Why not just bang Rob Reiner then?
Got a letter you want sent our way? Just drop it in our inbox at
letters@guysguise.com and well
sift through them for next month's forum.
Dev L. N. Carnit, Head Intern,
GuysGuise.com
